| The governor of Puerto Rico
wants to sell the Telephone Company. I must admit that my first reaction
upon finding out about this brilliant decision was envy. Why hadn't such
a marvelous idea occurred to me instead? The answer is simple: Governors
are visionaries and tremendously creative people. By thus proposing the
immediate sale of the Telephone Company, our wise governor discharges his
constitutional duty of establishing guidelines for us and opening new avenues
towards progress. That is what governors do best. Therefore, it would be
much better if we Puerto Ricans stopped already with all these fruitless
protests that lead us nowhere. On the contrary: we must become fervent
ad hoc salespeople, and in a great patriotic gesture, and as soon as possible,
aid in the sale of the Telephone Company.
And as long as we are feeling
so inclined to sell Puerto Rican properties, why stop with the Telephone
Company? What do we get, for example, from El Morro? What revenues? Wouldn't
it better for us to get rid of that old hulk? It occurs to me that we could
get, easily, for its land, its view, and its location as a jetty in Old
San Juan, say $50 or $60 million. And we also have St. Christopher's Castle
which by the way, and as far as I know, doesn't serve a single productive
function either. On the other hand, how about a nice little five-star hotel
built at the entrance of the islet and conveniently located just a few
blocks from Hooters? How many investors could resist this? Hey, and how
about an El Yunque Hilton? Can't you visualize it? With the sale of El
Yunque we wouldn't only pocket a few more millions, but once and for all
we would remove all concern and anxiety about our tourists getting lost
in the forest and later suing us.
In my desperate attempt to join
in the call of our great leader, I began to prepare a list of useless possessions
we could sell. But I'm a real bonehead; I forgot that these properties
belong to the Federal government. We can't sell them because we have no
say in the "federal affairs" that take place in our island of Puerto Rico.
It is truly a pity and a waste of resources.
Nevertheless, we must not give
up. So, I got out my pencil again and came up with other properties we
could sell: the San Juan Cathedral, which could be converted into the most
fabulous discotheque of all times. I also thought of La Capilla del Cristo
(The Chapel of Christ), where an intimate bar could be built with the added
attraction of serving piña coladas and enticing its patrons to feed
corn to the doves in the adjoining park. But I suddenly remembered that
these places belong to the Church and they would probably not like Rosello's
selling them.
They say necessity is the mother
of invention. In my desperate attempt to heed the patriotic call of the
governor of Puerto Rico, I once more picked up my pencil, and suddenly
it came to me (like a bolt of lightning) that we do have a totally worthless
piece of property that we could sell right now and not have it missed by
anyone in the world (not even Puerto Rico): La Fortaleza, the Governor's
Mansion. THE END |
